Praise The Lord

Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord

Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord

Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord

This small chorus has filled my heart to overflowing today. I'm not sure why but I'm singing it over & over. Perhaps its just something the Lord needs to hear from me, or perhaps its something I need to hear. Either way, I'm uplifted & full of praise today!

Winter Blues

"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God." Psalm 42:11

It is no secret that I dislike January. Every year I feel restless & start to question everything. I get cabin-fever, Vitamin D deficient missing the sunshine, discontent longing for spring and just generally BLUE.

Yesterday was no exception. I feel like I woke on the wrong side of the bed and could not find a way to make the day better. I was an impatient parent, a grumpy wife and stayed sour within my head all day long. I felt cooped up, sad, lonely, bored, miserable.  I'm longing for Spring in the south and dreading the long cold winter of the north.

I know I get this way every January. Its when we think we need to make new life plans, or start talking about travelling to some place warm. We spend a lot of time evaluating things, wondering why we are where we are in all aspects of life.

I woke this morning praying that today would be a better day. I'm not feeling it yet. I'm playing worship music over & over in hopes to inspire an attitude change. I'm paging through the Psalms, hoping to read that one verse that will transform my heart. There are many uplifting verses in Psalms, I see them, I read them... but today I do not feel them. I continue to read, to pray, to meditate... I know that He is right beside me, despite my mood, probably with His arms around me speaking comfort into my deaf ears.

Open my ears, Lord, that I may receive your comfort. Change my heart that I may receive Your joy and peace.

It's -30C and sunny out...

"Blessed be Your name when the sun's shining down on me, when the world's all as it should be, Blessed be Your name."

Its cold! Very cold here in northern Alberta! While our family to the south is getting dumped on by snow, we're getting hammered with cold temps! I'm quite wimpy when it comes to the cold so needless to say, I don't go out much in it and the extra cold of the north makes me more of a hermit. It makes me a bit homesick for southern BC and its mild temperatures. 

But a day like today, despite the cold, still uplifts my heart. Though you can't really see it in the photo, EVERYTHING is sparkling in the northern sunshine today. The whole world around us is bright, brilliant, beautiful and I'm feeling blessed!

The sun brings life, vitality, growth, renewal...and that's how its making me feel today! Thank you Lord for the sunshine on this icy cold day!

Can You Hear Me, God?

It is no secret that I've been waiting & desiring to hear the Lord's voice. I feel like I've had a lot of questions for Him this past year and that I've been desiring to hear His direction. I often hear other people say that God spoke to them, or that they knew it was from God that they were going to do something, say something, etc. How I desire this!



I know God speaks to us in many many ways, sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly. Through people, through dreams, through Scripture, through songs, through our thoughts. Why do I feel so tone deaf to hearing it? I know God isn't the problem... I'm certain He's tried to reach me many of these ways but I feel like my ears are shut and I can't recognize the word of the Lord. Its making me sad, no sorrowful, because the longing only grows.


So, I just happened to notice this book on our bookshelf yesterday. We're having a tough time up here in northern Alberta and compound that with the fact that its January and we're smack dab in the middle of the Winter Blahs! And I'm back to earnestly desiring God's voice. So what choice did I have but to pick this book up. Perhaps this is one of His ways of communicating with me, saying READ THIS BOOK! I'm talking to you right now! Open your ears!


The first chapter I read lastnight is called "My Sheep Hear My Voice" and parallels Jesus as our Good Shepherd and He knows us and we know Him by His voice. It gave all these examples of how God may have communicated to us in the past and how He is trying to reach us now.


I'm starting to realize the problem with my God-deafness. I'm only waiting for the answer to my questions, meanwhile, I'm missing out on the rest of the conversation. God has been telling me lots of things, wanting me to listen to all the other things He needs for me to hear, but I have shut them out, waiting to hear the answer to just one question.


It showed me the example of how I tend to pray, like I'm leaving a message to God on His answering machine and waiting for Him to call me back with His answer, hanging up before He gets a word in edgewise... never pausing to listen if He has anything else to talk to me about.


I'm missing on the best part, the friendship, the communion, the relationship and treating God like a 'question and answer' survey that I've put in the mail & am eagerly awaiting its response.


So I asked God to show me something in the Bible that I needed to see. I always struggle about where to start reading so I just picked one of my sticky tags & pulled it open. It fell open to the last chapter of Hebrews and the first chapter of James. I wasn't sure which was supposed to be for me so I read them both, paying attention to verses I've underlined in the past.


But it was the verse that wasn't underlined that is jumping out at me. "But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased." Heb 13:16. Now, I'm not exactly sure why this verse is relevant to me today. I feel like we barely have enough to get by let alone excess to share right now, but yet, its still sticking out at me. I can still "do good" and perhaps there is something that I have need to share that will be a sacrifice. Anyways, I'm not sure why but I'm holding on to this verse for now as an indication that it may be something God wanted me to know.


I also asked God to bring someone to mind who might need prayers or blessings and immediately a good friend's face came to my thoughts. I don't know what her needs may be for today but I will believe that this is a thought from God that I need to pray for her.


Wow, that really wasn't so hard to hear the voice of God afterall. While He may not be answering this huge question on my mind, I asked Him a few simple questions and had the answers in front of me. So I'm going to keep reading this book and try to keep the communication lines OPEN, not hanging up before He has a chance to tell me what I need to hear (not just what I WANT to hear).

Fishing Takes Faith

"My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him." Psalm 62:5

It takes a lot of faith to go fishing! You stand on a shore or in a boat, put out your line & wait. If you didn't think you might get a bite or catch a fish then it would be pretty pointless to stand there. You believe you're going to catch something. Some days you come home with a great haul, other days you're skunked without even a nibble.

Faith feels like that to me sometimes. If I didn't believe God was going to respond to my prayers, then I would be praying in vain. Sometimes I pray for a big answer, other times I just want a nibble. God can come thru in big obvious ways, like the fish in your hand. Other days, I feel skunked, like He isn't listening at all, I'm empty handed.

That's when I wait, and wait. I do believe He is there, and that He will answer, but I don't always know when. And, sometimes, I just get tired of asking, tired of praying, ready to walk away as my patience wears thin. Sometimes its hard to find the faith that He's going to answer, or that He's even listening.

Lots of people walk away from a good fishing spot, tired of waiting, finally believing that there just must not be any fish there. Maybe they've fished there multiple times and left empty so now they're believing maybe there are no fish in the whole river and they give up fishing for good.

I don't want my faith to get to that point, where I give up on it for good. I will hold to the hope that God is there and I will continue to seek Him, even when it feels like He is silent.

Happy New Year 2011

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10


It is a new year and its time for a change here. I have been away from blogging for over 5 months. In that time we've left the relative comfort but discontentment of our life in Osoyoos and moved 100s of miles north to La Crete, Alberta to be with my husband's side of the family.


Many things have changed for us in the last few month and we've faced many challenges and experiences both good and bad. While we are feeling somewhat settled into life in ths northern town, its becoming obvious that our hearts are still not settled.


I've spent the last 5 months dealing with God in many different ways. Anger, ignorance, fear, pleading, blame, love, thankfulness, and wonder. I don't know which emotion was the biggest for the final half of 2010 but its my aim to start 2011 differently.


Not only are we going to try and live a healthier more natural lifestyle in 2011 *hint: new blog coming* but I feel its really time to focus on getting our souls healthy too, finding our way back to that loving God, Abba God, Prince of Peace, not anger, oppression or discontent, the God who is our refuge, our Strength and our Shield, and actually trusting that HE IS these things because we've spent too long feeling the opposite.


My prayer for the new year is not only to hear His voice, as is always our desire, but to feel His LOVE, to feel His Peace, to see His Beauty, to know His Forgiveness, to trust He will Provide and Sustain us, calm the Anger & Bitterness that can take hold, to accept His Grace and Mercy, and to remember all the things we are Thankful for, that we are Blessed with and have 2011 be the year of Joy, Hope, Peace & Love. I know those 4 words are cliche, especially in this season of the year, but it is my desire for them to reign all year long.


So, here I am, January 1st. Lord, Create in me a new heart & renew my spirit!

Busy Packing

Blogging is on hold for a bit... big changes coming up for us and I'm busy packing. Be back soon!



Posted by Becky using BlogPress from my iPhone

Exploring

We took a spur of the moment drive up to a mountain lake last evening. It was such a beautiful day and we wanted to do a little exploring. We had only planned to go for a quick drive so I didn't take my camera, but thankfully, I had my iPhone in my pocket so I was able to capture some shots from this lovely lil adventure. For anyone that is interested, I believe this is Blue Lake in the Kilpoola area, above Osoyoos.

This lake is more of a bog in my opinion. It smelled rather funky, lots of bugs and the shoreline was really squishy. It was like walking on a sponge. I think its a protected grassland type area. Lots of grasses & stuff to walk thru before you could even get to the shore.

Unfortunately, it wasn't all that easy to get around in flipflops. *duh* Not exactly a 'bare toes friendly' area but I tip toed thru nonetheless.

And speaking of the shore, as I got closer, it got a bit 'other worldly' looking on the ground...

Freakishly weird looking, the iPhone pix really couldn't do it justice but if you click ON the picture you can see it bigger (hmm, this only works on some of them... trying to edit on my phone & its being weird, sorry). I was fascinated by all these little sticky-uppy mud spires. I think they are all mud remnants of where a grass or reed used to be. Because to step on one it was sort of firmer on the inside than just the spongey mud around it.

Here's another view of it more level with the lake. It was just so strange looking.

 

Anyways, you can see how as it goes back to firmer ground that the little spires become reeds & grasses & other plants.
 

We walked around the lake a bit because there were some big ol cows grazing and the tiny one wanted to go see them.  They weren't too interested in us though and took off when we got closer, much to his disappointment.

 

All in all, it was a great spur of the moment place to explore, a beautiful sunshiney evening and now, a place we will return, both with a real camera & proper footware.

Summer Mornings

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I'm just sitting outside in the shady part of the yard this morning, enjoying the day while my son plays before it gets too hot to be outside.

There isn't a cloud in the sky, the birds are singing, the rosebush is in full blossom and I am at peace.

I know it's going to be a busy and HOT day but I still find myself meditative for these few moments, thankful for this beautiful day and for the beauties surrounding me.

While I still sit in God's Waiting Room, I can at least be content that I'm blessed while I wait and I'm somewhere beautiful.


- Posted by Becky using BlogPress from my iPhone

Chaos

Chaos! It's the only word I can think of to describe my mind right now. I have so many thoughts, ideas, questions and plans competing to be the forefront of my brain that I can't focus on any of them.

I have so many things that I want to do vs need to be done that I can't choose where to start and none of them are getting done. I need to get some invoicing done, but to do that I have to tidy the office. So I put away some papers and the coffee mugs and start the dishwasher. Then I throw a load of towels in the laundry and hang the clean ones outside to dry. I clean up toys outside on the grass and maybe fill up the tiny pool. I go back in and remember that I wanted to do invoicing but then it's time to start lunch...

Lunch makes me sit at the table where my laptop sits and I peruse writing and photograph sites, wishing I had more time for taking pix and writing articles.

I then peruse the outdoor adventure magazine that I wish I had time to write an article for, and then think longingly about camping, hiking or getting my kayak out on the water. But with an active toddler those things are on the backburner today.

Which then leads my thoughts to having baby #2 and wondering if or when God might grant us that blessing (as I've been having trouble staying pregnant) Then my thoughts lead to adoption and my heart for an African child, wondering if that could be Gods will for us. Thinking of Africa then moves my thoughts to missions and wondering if that might be our calling one day and perhaps that's why our house hasn't sold yet.

And so the swirling circle in my mind carries on... and I still haven't got any invoicing done!


Posted by Becky using BlogPress from my iPhone

Waiting

I wanted to be making strawberry freezer jam this afternoon. It's the perfect day for it. L brought home a big flat of strawberries lastnight. I've cleaned some jars and picked up some sugar and pectin and now the little boy is napping. Perfect timing.

But instead I'm laying here in bed in the dark waiting for a migraine to go away... Hmph!

Not fair! Not fair! I was on a roll. But I guess I needed this forced Time Out to take a rest. I already had a small snooze and thought I was feeling better til I sat up to get out of bed again. No, it's not time yet.

So I'm laying here thinking about Noah for some reason. We watched Evan Almighty again the other night (if you haven't seen it before, do so! It's a great family show) After we watched it we got talking about what it might look like if God asked us to do something big like that too! Would we be capable? Would we even believe it to be possible, that He even asks us stuff like that anymore?

We've been asking God to speak to us a lot in this last year, asking Him for obvious direction on what our next steps should be. He seems silent, although I know He's there. We just aren't sure how to interpret the silence.

What do you do when you feel God is being quiet?

For now, we can only assume that He wants us to continue to wait. And as hard as it is to wait, we don't really have another choice. We hope that He will not have us wait too much longer.

And so, what has this got to do with jam? Well, again I'm waiting, whether I like it or not. On a forced break and instead of laying here doing nothing, I know I can at least make use of the situation and blog. :). So maybe, instead of whining about God making us wait on the bigger questions we have, I can find a way to make use of my time while I wait.



Posted by Becky using BlogPress from my iPhone

"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God." ~Psalm 42:2

What About Sundays?

Thou shalt be in church on Sunday morning...

Oh wait, where is that found in the Bible? Um, nowhere. But it does say they should be a day of rest, a day to be kept HOLY.

So, Sunday's have been a bit of a difficult day for us over the past year. Our family dynamic has drastically changed as our son grows from 'portable infant' to 'rambunctious toddler' and so we haven't been out to many public places during certain hours of the day. Church being one of them.

It wasn't as difficult, up until about a year ago, when he started getting mobile. Until then, we were more the 'sit at the back & hope he doesn't make too much noise' church goers. But once he was on the move, it got more & more difficult to be there. The church didn't have a nursery or a place we could take him, or lay him down or any of that stuff. So, it was awkward & frustrating for one or both of us to keep him entertained or quiet or away from dangerous or dirty stuff. It just didn't seem worth the effort or the feelings of stress it caused me while I was sitting there. Church shouldn't be stressful, so I wasn't getting much out of it anyways.

Then, his nap scheduled changed, and for the last 10 or so months, he's been having a nap between the morning hours of 9am and 11:30am. Its a good schedule for us, the rest of the week, but it makes trying to go to church pretty much impossible.

And we've tried. Despite him being extra cranky for us denying him his morning nap, we've tried. We've sought out a few other churches that claim to offer nursery care, but in a town that caters to its retired community, the nursery care options were seemingly non-existant, so we've spent a few church services with one of us entertaining him out in the foyer, among glares from seniors who are looking at these noisy young visitors with disdain. Oh yeah, like we really felt welcome & eager to try those churches again.

sigh

So, we have sort of given up for the present, knowing that eventually he will outgrow this morning nap. (although I'm certainly not in a rush for it) and that we can one day again get out to a church service on a Sunday morning.

But its annoys me some Sundays too. Like why do we sit here feeling guilty because our butts aren't planted in a pew on Sunday mornings? While there are many references to the first day of the week, gathering together with believers & keeping the day holy (and not working) why do we have to feel guilty when we aren't there. We want to be there, we want to spend time with other believers, but why does it ONLY have to be on Sundays to have that expected fellowship?

Don't get me wrong, I know that many of you have church groups, prayer meetings, Bible studies, and get togethers on other days or even NIGHTS of the week, but there is still always the guilt of not being there on the Sunday morning, like that particular morning is the be all to end all of being a Christian.

I read my Bible nearly daily, I pray, I sing, I worship, I listen to sermons & inspirational preachers, and I don't limit that to Sundays. But I still have a bit of an empty guilt-ridden feeling that we aren't somewhere in a church on a Sunday morning.

I saw this saying on Facebook:

"Sitting in a church makes you no more a Christian than sitting in a garage makes you a car."

Funny, true, sad also. Because that's how we judge. I was one of them too. How can you be a Christian, you never come to church on Sunday? Now I'm feeling the other end of that & it sucks! And its sadly alienating too. Like after a few Sundays of not showing up, you kind of get written off, and then there is even less chances of fellowship, growth or understanding and its like a downward spiral, like its assumed you've given up on God or something. No, we haven't given up on God, and He certainly hasn't given up on us. We've just temporarily had to take a break from the attendance of a church building on a Sunday morning.

We hope to have it again in our future. We hope to not have to feel guilty about it because we aren't there in the present. We hope for understanding, and we hope to BE more understanding when someone else faces the same challenges that we are.

Balance

The past few weeks I've been trying to find my creative side again. My son is getting more independant, has a somewhat predictable nap schedule, and I have a bit more time to be at the computer, igniting my creative writing juices again. But where are they?

I've often heard it said that your mind goes to mush during pregnancy (oh yes, it did!) but I was hoping that somewhere after the first year, the cogs n wheels would start turning again and I could rekindle the love of photography, adventure & writing.

I realize lots & lots of women jump right back into the workforce, whatever their job may be, with no problems and life goes on. Maybe its because I'm here at home, that I'm unmotivated. The Fisher Price farm set is too tempting to play with. Reading "Hippos Go Berserk" over & over doesn't bother me. Not that there is any other place I'd rather be, than home with my son. I do love being a stay-at-home-mom but there are parts of my day, when he is occupied, where I'd like to switch over to WORK-at-home-mom and see if I can get back into doing the things I was developing a couple years ago. 

I know work & motherhood is about compromise & balance, hoping that we are balancing the important things in the right way. Same goes with all passions & hobbies & things that get balanced when we become parents. Lawrence & I had lots of spontaneous & fun adventures before, we know we will have many more in the future too. Now we are formulating NEW ways to have adventure & spontaneity that involve our son, and that challenge is JUST as rewarding and fun. 

Yes, it might be a while before we go rock climbing with him, or shuffle along the cliffs in the Cascades, or take my kayak out... but the pause in these former hobbies is well worth it. To see him hold a crab in his tiny hand at the edge of the Pacific Ocean, to finally find a frog in our woodpile after hearing it for weeks and saying "Here Frog", to hold a young robin in hand while he softly touches it and says "nice". These are new and amazing adventures for us as parents while we see the world thru fresh eyes. Its beautiful, its fun, its a privelege.

So, if my creative juices are too busy being in awe of these day to day moments, I think its still ok. These are moments I wouldn't want to miss, if my brain was knee-deep in an article or photo editing. (hmm, can a brain be knee-deep?)  And they give me new things to write about & photograph, all wrapped up within mini adventures of life with a toddler.