Wednesday, May 26, 2010

To Give You A Future and A Hope

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hop. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you." ~ Jeremiah 29:11-14

Its a dull cloudy breezey morning here. The sort of morning where I want to stay curled up, coffee in hand & blanket around me. Quietness & thoughtfulness filling the space in my head. Of course, with a busy toddler, quietness usually goes out the window, as well as sitting still. But now, as he naps, I have that quiet peace, that time of thoughtfulness and its my time with God.

I've sure been asking God a LOT of questions lately. And listening for His voice. I know He's speaking, but I can't hear it. I seek His directions, His answers, His peace... but it feels so far away. We seem to be going through a lot of valleys lately, and I feel like we're down here alone. In my heart, I know we're not, but its so quiet, not the kind of quiet I want.

I've asked God to SHOUT at us, if we aren't hearing His quiet voice. I've asked God to speak to us, even give us hints at his direction and I keep coming back without any answers, any hints.

I guess that could mean his answer is "just sit tight" for now, on all the issues we're questioning him about, but it feels tough living in limbo. Its hard not to want to take charge, and we've tried that, time & time again, but yet, we're still here, still waiting for Him to show us the way. Waiting on WHERE. Waiting on WHY. Waiting on WHEN. and so much more.

Some days it feels like the valley is just getting deeper, and the blue sky up above is turning cloudy. We know there is sunshine up above those clouds, somewhere higher up on the hill, and we're longing for Him to lift us up onto the higher rocks & ridges, and just give us a glimpse of what He has in store for us, an idea that we might be going in the right direction, and not just circling the bottom.

I know His plans are better than whatever it is we think we're waiting on... and I know there is much joy, happiness & peace in the moments of each day, in the smiling face of a bouncy toddler, in the calm peaceful breeze of a cloudy morning such as today.

So I wait. I pray! I try to keep having faith that He is planning to give us a future and a hope.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Bang A Drum

Oh how life changes in a short time. I think I've mentioned before but when I first started blogging, long before kids were in the picture, I couldn't believe at how many stay at home moms blogged about their kids & their every day lives. I thought (back then) that those blogs were so boring. 

Well look at me now.

I don't have time for much else other than our "mundane everyday life" and I'm loving every minute of it. It amazes me how much I've changed.

Pictured above is of course my little munchkin, who just got into my cupboards to pull out his "drums" AKA the pots & a wooden spoon. At least once a day he'll pull out some sort of pot. The utensil drawer is safe also for him to play in (no knives or pokey things in there) so he pulls out ladels & spoons and basters and spreads them all over the house. I found 3 wooden spoons in the toy box the other day when I couldn't find any in the drawer. Such is life :)

While his pot banging is usually too loud for my tired ears, I know it will only last minutes before he moves on to something else so I try to tolerate those few moments of his pleasure and just let him be. 

And while the song has nothing to do with our everyday lives, I always think of it when drums are being banged around here and I've always liked the lyrics, sung by Bon Jovi so I thought I'd post it here today.  

Bang A Drum

I went to see the preacher to teach me how to pray
He looked at me and smiled
Then that preacher turned away
He said if you want to tell him something
You ain't gotta fold your hands
Say it with your heart, your soul and believe it
And I'd say amen

Bang a drum for the sinners
Bang a drum for the sins
Bang a drum for the losers
And those who win
Bang a drum, bang it loudly
Or as soft as you need
Bang a drum for yourself son
And a drum for me

Ooh, let me hear you say yeah (yeah), hallelujah, amen

I called upon my brother just the other day
He said: John I'm gonna die if I don't start to live again
I work each day and night like clockwork
Just trying to make ends meet
I could kick this bad world's ass
If I could just get on my feet

I'd bang a drum for the dying
Bang a drum for the truth
Bang a drum for the innocence lost in our youth
Bang a drum, bang it loudly
Or as soft as you need
Bang a drum for you brother
And a drum for me

I don't know where all the rivers run
I don't know how far, I don't know how come
Well I'm gonna die believin' each step that I take
Ain't worth the ground that I walk on
If we don't walk it our way

No I don't claim to be a wiseman, a poet or a saint
I'm just another man who's searching for a better way
But my heart beats loud as thunder
For the things that I believe
Sometimes I wanna run for cover
Sometimes I want to scream

Bang a drum for tomorrow
Bang a drum for the past
Bang a drum for the heroes that won't come back
Bang a drum for the promise
Bang a drum for the lies
Bang a drum for the lovers and the tears they've cried
Bang a drum, bang it loudly
Or as soft as you need
But as long as my heart keeps on bangin'
I got a reason to believe (I got a reason to believe)