During the brown & dying days of Fall, sometimes its hard to think of things that are new, things fresh. I think of this time in my life as a fresh start, a renewal, perhaps even a rejuvination. Not so much in my every day life, but a renewing in my soul. Like something is coming alive again that has been laying dormant, after a long winter. I see the green shoots of the coming of spring & an excitement is building.
These past few years have been a drawn out period of self discovery & exploration. Escaping to the wilds & wonders of Africa, I ran away from a lot of things in order to find myself. As wonderful as the experience was, I realized that "finding me", meant being back where I belonged, back around the people I loved & loved me. The future was exciting, full of love & happiness, adventure and a new start with a man I loved & who loved me back.
But as my independence & contentment grew, my soul fell silent. Like I began to no longer feel a need to communicate with God. Things were good, no, things were great, so slowly & casually, I began to leave Him out. I moved to a new town & forgot the desire to go to a church. My Bible lay at the bottom of a trunk, out of sight & often out of mind. I no longer prayed. I no longer worshipped. I just ignored it & let it go dormant. I quieted my soul in such a way that I stifled it into silence.
But God will not be silenced!
He's there! He always has been! I know He always will be!
For the past few months He's been reminding me of His presence, His desire to communicate with me & that burning desire in my soul that needs to be filled with Him once more. I see it now! Its a renewal that comes softly. Like a whisper in the darkness. The more I dwell on it, the louder the whisper becomes. And the more obvious. He keeps putting things in front of me, reasons for me to no longer ignore it. And now, its a thunder! I feel Him, I need Him. My heart is singing even though I have not yet found my voice. Its coming. Like the refreshing green of spring. The path is there and my feet have found it. Its time to step forward & reach up.
4 weeks ago