Lead Me By Still Waters

"He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul." ~ Psalm 23:2-3

We've had some beautiful warm, sunny and calm days already this month. Walking by the lake was breathtaking! Not a ripple but still waters with a perfect reflection.

Then there was yesterday. Cold wind shaking the trees and biting our fingertips. As the day went on my mind and soul started to reflect the weather. Small irritations like sand started eating away at me. Disappointments moved in and threatened my calm soul til I could feel the frown on my forehead and noticed that even the little things were annoying me.

I wanted that calmness back. I wanted those still waters and restoration.

Today I wake and the sun is shining and the air is still. I want to breathe deeply and be thankful for the peace. But why am I afraid that it's a calm before the storm? The wind is still blowing in my soul and mind this morning. I'm praying for some restoration and rest, something else to focus on other than those small irritations.

How do find ways to put your mind and soul at rest?

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Captivating

Captivating - Unveiling the Mystery of A Woman's Soul - John and Stasi Eldredge

"We think you'll find that every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive." ~ quote from Captivating

I'm sitting a bit beside myself this morning reading through this book that I borrowed from my sister-in law. My husband has read the 'man' version of this book by John Eldredge "Wild At Heart" and so when I saw that my sis had the 'woman' version, written together by John and Stasi I asked to borrow it.

The reason I am so amused this morning is that just over the weekend, I changed my blog header to the three things that I seek to love in life "Adventure, Beauty, and God" and here it is, the essence of this book is what they say is at the essence of every woman's heart!

I'm glad that I can be confident that my desires are at the heart of women everywhere.

As the book describes, we women are constantly battling against guilt! Guilt to do more, be more, clean more, cook more, volunteer more, host more, help more. More, more, more! Of being 'not enough' and 'too much' at the same time.

"Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone."

Now I'm just starting to read this book but I can see already that I could quote every other line as being truthful & inspiring.

So, my woman friends that actually read this blog, I encourage you to peek into your church library or your public library and pick up this book & read it along with me. And if you already have read this, share with me what you thought.

Spring

They're here!!! I knew it would be soon with this fantastic weather we've been having and so I've been checking. Today, a beautiful crocus unfolded in the sunshine!!

"For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singin has come." ~ Song of Solomon 2:11-12


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Change

Just fiddling with my blog look & layout tonight if anyone happens to stop by & wonders why it looks different. I've had it the same for 3 1/2 years. Time for a change.

Unfortunately, I've got NO photo/image editing software these days. Photoshop died along with my laptop & this one has me trying to use the frustratingly limited options in 'Paint'. *grumble*

I'll get it worked out soon!

:)

Grumpy

I'm grumpy today. I'm trying my best to 'shake it off' but its still lingering. I guess I just got up on the wrong side of the bed today. Coffee hasn't cured it. Breakfast didn't help. A long hot shower was nice but here I sit, grumpy.

I haven't got anything to complain or grumble about. Its a beautiful sunny crisp morning. My son is napping. My dishes are already done. So why the scowl on my face? I don't even know if I want to be fully ungrumped. It feels good sitting here feeling grumpy. Isn't that a foolish thing? To ENJOY being grumpy? DO you ever feel like that?

There is so much joy to be had and I know it would feel BETTER to be joyful than content in my grumpiness so I'm going to find some. I'm paging thru the Psalms & Proverbs, trying to lighten my heart & soul.

I read "Make a JOYFUL shout to the Lord" in Psalm 100:1.

"my heart is GLAD, and my glory rejoices" in Psalm 16:9

"This is the day which the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be GLAD in it." Psalm 118:24

"May my meditation be sweet to Him; I will be GLAD in the Lord." Psalm 105:34

"A merry heart makes a CHEERFUL countenance." Prov 15:13

What Can I Do Lord?

I love being a 'stay at home mom'. There is fun & joy & creativity & laughter in so many minutes of the day!

But in the quiet moments where I have a few minutes to be alone with my thoughts, I feel lost. Like I want to be doing something, something good, something helpful, something for others, something for God!

In between the giggles & the diaper changes, the laundry & the dishes, the bookkeeping and the meal cooking, I'm amazed that there is some time left for me to even wonder this. But here I sit, my Bible open before me, time on my hand and wondering where I can fit in this world to do something good with the few minutes I have.

Oh sure, there is always another load of laundry I could do, invoices to be entered or just extra time for quiet meditation, but I think I'm longing for a new purpose.

Sometimes I think it could just be loneliness in these quiet moments. Husband is at work, baby is sleeping & friends are unavailable. Yes, I definitely get lonely but I don't think having a coffee visit with a friend would fill this need. (although I'd certainly take those opportunities as well)

I have a need to be creative, a need to be useful. I'm sure we all do. But there's more to it. How can I be creatively useful to God? How can I help others in need from here at my kitchen table?

Here I am, Lord! Use me!

The Rock

"When my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I am." ~Psalm 61:2

This is one of my favourite verses. I blogged with this verse & photo when I first started blogging. You can re-read that entry here.

My heart is feeling a little overwhelmed & heavy today. All is well in our world but there is so much going on in the world that the sadness feels like it is bogging me down today and so I am pouring through the book of Psalms trying to find my favourite uplifting verses.

I like thinking of God as our Solid Rock & uplifter! It has been a few years since I've been rock climbing or mountain climbing but the analogies are still fresh in my mind when I read these verses just as if I was clinging to the edge of the cliff at that moment!

I know life lately has felt like we were just clinging to the edge, unsure of whether we should go up or down, waiting on God's direction, and really wanting to just let go and praying He'll catch us before we hit 'rock bottom'.

Other times it feels like we really are at the bottom & its a mess down there. Gooey sinful, sorrowful mess and we feel trapped, reaching up, wanting to see the sun again. Luckily we have help from The Son.

"For in the time of trouble... He shall set me high upon a rock, and now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me." ~Psalm 27:5-6

"He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps." ~Psalm 40:2

Despite our small faith, God is faithful!

What's your favourite ROCK verse?

Clean Up

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." ~ Psalm 51:10

Housework! It never really ends does it! You sweep, you vacuum, you wash floors, you wash dishes, wash the laundry, dry the laundry, fold the laundry, put away the laundry. And then, lo & behold, you have to do it all over again. I'm not complaining, just stating a fact. There is always housework to do!

Today I decided to wash my floors. Usually I use a microfibre mop head that I can throw in the wash when I'm done. But I wanted to mop quietly (no rinsing & repeating in the sink) so I decided to use a few of my disposable wet Swiffer cloths. Quick & convenient and throw them away when I'm done.

However... I HATE the smell of these! They are scented with Febreeze. Oh how I hate the smell of anything Febreezey. I have the exhaust fan running as I type this trying to suck the stink out of the house.

I have a bad 'Febreeze Memory' you see. Once, years ago, I had a rented suite in this gorgeous heritage house. Well, with old houses (and new) you can't always prevent a few critters from getting in. We knew there were mice rumored to be in the house but we tried to make sure there was nothing in their capabilities to get into. Alas, we still found them turning up. But one day, we smelled something awful... something DEAD and it was coming from the icky old stove. Nasty... I cook food on that thing.

We had to take it apart and could tell that they had spent some time hanging out in the insulation in the back. Yuck... but where was the smell coming from? Took the back cover off and found not one, but two dead stinky mice behind the electrical bits. Guess they got zapped when nibbling an electrical wire or something. GROSS!!

So, we cleaned it up the best we could, bought some Febreeze and sprayed the entire house. And then left all the windows open & went out so it could 'de-stink' while we were gone. But Febreeze mixed with dead mouse smell will forever be impressed on my memory banks and every time I think of or smell Febreeze I think of dead mouse smell. No, I won't be using those Febreeze smelling Swiffer mops any time soon. They do the job of course, but the smell & the memories it brings up is not pleasant.

All this to say that cleaning with Febreeze can compare to the necessary cleaning of our souls & hearts. Our hearts & souls can easily get blackened with sin & complacencies of every day lives & our habits. As with household chores, often it can be a lot easier to make the mess & ignore it than roll up your sleeves and clean it up. Likewise with sin.

Sometimes there is an easy pleasant way to clean things up & get back on track with God. A prayer to ask for forgiveness, a new outlook, a conviction to renew your 'steadfast spirit'. But other times its not that easy or pleasant. Perhaps in the process of cleaning up your heart you might happen to dredge up painful memories, or you have your sin piling up like laundry in front of you, unveiling the 'stink' that is truly is. It may be hard to let go, unpleasant to admit. And we may wish that we could just do it simply, a quick prayer & voila, I'm all cleaned up. But it really isn't that simple sometimes. You might have to push through the painful memories, the present 'stink' of your sin in order to be truly clean.

Laundry doesn't fold itself. Floors don't shine without a little help. Don't think you need to do it on your own either. There is good news! God will help you. If you want to change, renew, be cleaned, He is there to wash you off & put you back on your feet, if only you'll ask Him & be willing to let Him, even when its tough.

"Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow." ~Psalm 51:7

Well Done, Good & Faithful Servant

"Well done, good & faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord." ~Matthew 25:23


Reading the book of Matthew this week. I like to read a gospel, or all the gospels from time to time, mostly just to refresh myself. But this particular passage stood out to me. Sort of convicting like.

You see, I have a lot of passions, things I get excited about & want to talk about to anyone who will hear, even strangers. Ask me about my son, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, outdoor photography, Africa, Italy, hiking, etc etc and I can probably passionately talk your ear off on all of those subjects. But ask me about Jesus, ask me what the gospel is, ask me to talk to people I barely know about salvation and I'll probably be standing there speechless, unsure of what to say or where to begin... cricket noises echoing in the silence.

I'm definitely falling short of the 'good & faithful servant'. I'm not multiplying the return of the free gift the Lord has given to me. I'm shy to talk about it and probably quiet when asked about it.

I often get questioned, even mocked, for things like cloth diapering and yet I stand my ground & hold my head high knowing that I'm doing what's better for my son, better for our wallets and better for the environment. And I have several good pieces of information to the doubters of why they too should use cloth diapers.

Where is my courage, my defense, my quick answers for things of the Lord?

Yes, I'm indeed feeling conviction after reading this & am trying to remind myself how much MORE important it is to share the message of salvation than ALL other things I might be passionate about. Time to rekindle that passion for Jesus so I too can one day hear "Well done, good & faithful servant."

Helping Hand

"Your right hand has held me up, Your gentleness has made me great." Psalm 35:18

A grandpa and his grandson. Gentleness and a helping hand!

Unclean Spirits

I'm pondering Matthew 12:43-45 this morning. It's about unclean spirits leaving and then returning to someone with more spirits making him worse than he was before.

And I'm imagining how this might be relevant today. I'm thinking of bad habits or addictions. Drugs, gambling, shopping, eating for examples. One manages to give up the addiction, maybe "find Jesus" in the process or even just renew their faith and find strength thru their faith and feel confident that they are over this addiction.

Eventually that demon of addiction comes back, sees you all cleaned up and realizes that addiction alone won't be enough this time.

So he's goes out and gets the demon of self doubt, the demon of temptation, the demon of complacency and they tag team together at once.

Confidence falls first and then with the temptation in front of you it suddenly doesn't look so bad. Couldn't be wrong just to try it one more time... and before you know it, good ol' Addiction gets to slide back in to his old home making room for his helpful new buddies.

While you're already down the demon of depression easily moves in helping Self Doubt make you feel worse than before and the battle to fight them off is a bigger fight than before.

All analogies of course but this is how I interpret these verses as how they could be happening in our lives today.

The battle for our souls wages on empowered by our freedom of choice and our sinful nature. But I try to remember too that there are more ANGELS battling for us than there are demons against us. Even just considering the numbers should help boost my confidence that this is a battle we can WIN!


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Blessed Be Your Name

Blessed Be Your Name

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name when the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name.

~ Matt Redman

All month this song has been going through my head. Parts of it playing over & over while I ponder what has happened over the past few months & the 'giving & taking away' that has seemed to be repetetive for the last year. But I was struggling with the last lines of the song "My heart will choose to say Lord Blessed Be Your Name". I wasn't getting over the 'taking away' of things and wanting to praise after the darkness of things. Too often it felt like 'ok kids, here you go, enjoy this great gift... followed by a "just kidding'"!!

Its hard to feel like God is just toying with you. I just don't understand it. Sort of like Job... why was Satan allowed to torment him like that while God watched on? Taking away everything only to give it back later. I just don't know what point that proved, other than to Satan that Job was faithful & could tolerate the worst he dealt out. But why, why did he have to if he was such a faithful man. Why was he involved in the game? Some things God does, I'll never understand. We're not all as strong as Job. I know I'm not. I can't always find the praise in me after the crummy stuff happens.

I get that Satan's demons are around us, trying to sway us in any way possible from our faith, from doing good, from being a witness, from praying... from all things holy & praiseful. And its obvious how well they are suceeding looking at the world around us... or even just looking at the Christians around us, but mostly just looking within, at myself. A few moments of bitterness can build to many moments and push out all desire to pray, praise or even see the blessings that are still surrounding us.

So, I gratefully keep this song in my heart, in my head, and sing it out loud when I can, to remind myself to praise Him in the good & bad times, in the bright & dark times, in the giving AND taking away!

Knock

Can this really be January??

"...knock and it will be opened to you.". ~ Matthew 7:7

So perhaps God is going to open some doors to us afterall this month. It may not be the ones we were hoping for or expecting. But perhaps something greater than our expectations. And wouldn't that be amazing.

It's funny (or not so funny) how one can get jaded after so many failed desires and expectations. It's hard to have joy or excitement when you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. But trying despite past disappointments regardless.

The house viewing didn't go as we hoped but it was ok. That home and property was clearly not for us. We'll keep looking though as we work thru this other opportunity.

I'm just trying to have faith that God is God and He always knows what He's doing.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you. ~ Matthew 6:33



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Heart's Desires

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. " Psalm 37:4

I often cling to this verse when there is something I want badly. Like by reading it to myself over & over I convince myself that I will have what I want because it is 'the desire of my heart'. And then when that thing that I want is denied to me, or worse, taken away, then I scowl inwardly & wonder why I'm being denied my heart's desires.

As I mature in my faith (which I readily admit matures and regresses often in waves) I remember that there are many verses SURROUNDING this one. For example, verse 3 says "Trust in the Lord, and do good.." oh yeah, TRUST... Do Good! Um, sort of ignored that part. And then that verse following it.. .verse 5 "Commit your way to the Lord. (oops) Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Right... sorry Lord. I guess I need to do a bit more reading before I get too wrapped up in the way things are worded assuming its all for my benefit.

But, here I am again today. Having another new desire in my heart. You see that photo above. Its of a property that we discovered on the real estate market today. A lovely acreage, with its own creek running thru it. Is it a desire given by God? or by man? A place where we might belong? Or not yet where the Lord wants us to be. The only way I can know it is if I Trust & Commit to see if its a God given desire. And then of course, we wait... verse 7. "Rest in the Lord, and wait paitiently for Him" Really... you know patience is not one of my virtues Lord.

If you don't know by now, we are hoping to move. Our house has been for sale for almost a year, and it starting to get discouraging. Over the past year, a few other homes/properties have popped up that we thought we wanted and for one reason or another, did not come to pass for us. Some reasons were obvious, others were strangely unobvious. We continued to wait & pray for God to give us a big obvious sign of where He wanted us. But we found Him to be silent. So we took that as a sign that we needed to keep waiting.

We're still not sure how long we are to wait. Nothing has peaked our interest for months. But... just today, the desire for a new place was rekindled.

And I will read ALL of Psalm 37 over & over while we wait, not clinging to one verse to be fulfilled and if this isn't the time or place... we will keep looking because

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand." Psalm 37:23-24