"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God." ~Psalm 42:2

What About Sundays?

Thou shalt be in church on Sunday morning...

Oh wait, where is that found in the Bible? Um, nowhere. But it does say they should be a day of rest, a day to be kept HOLY.

So, Sunday's have been a bit of a difficult day for us over the past year. Our family dynamic has drastically changed as our son grows from 'portable infant' to 'rambunctious toddler' and so we haven't been out to many public places during certain hours of the day. Church being one of them.

It wasn't as difficult, up until about a year ago, when he started getting mobile. Until then, we were more the 'sit at the back & hope he doesn't make too much noise' church goers. But once he was on the move, it got more & more difficult to be there. The church didn't have a nursery or a place we could take him, or lay him down or any of that stuff. So, it was awkward & frustrating for one or both of us to keep him entertained or quiet or away from dangerous or dirty stuff. It just didn't seem worth the effort or the feelings of stress it caused me while I was sitting there. Church shouldn't be stressful, so I wasn't getting much out of it anyways.

Then, his nap scheduled changed, and for the last 10 or so months, he's been having a nap between the morning hours of 9am and 11:30am. Its a good schedule for us, the rest of the week, but it makes trying to go to church pretty much impossible.

And we've tried. Despite him being extra cranky for us denying him his morning nap, we've tried. We've sought out a few other churches that claim to offer nursery care, but in a town that caters to its retired community, the nursery care options were seemingly non-existant, so we've spent a few church services with one of us entertaining him out in the foyer, among glares from seniors who are looking at these noisy young visitors with disdain. Oh yeah, like we really felt welcome & eager to try those churches again.

sigh

So, we have sort of given up for the present, knowing that eventually he will outgrow this morning nap. (although I'm certainly not in a rush for it) and that we can one day again get out to a church service on a Sunday morning.

But its annoys me some Sundays too. Like why do we sit here feeling guilty because our butts aren't planted in a pew on Sunday mornings? While there are many references to the first day of the week, gathering together with believers & keeping the day holy (and not working) why do we have to feel guilty when we aren't there. We want to be there, we want to spend time with other believers, but why does it ONLY have to be on Sundays to have that expected fellowship?

Don't get me wrong, I know that many of you have church groups, prayer meetings, Bible studies, and get togethers on other days or even NIGHTS of the week, but there is still always the guilt of not being there on the Sunday morning, like that particular morning is the be all to end all of being a Christian.

I read my Bible nearly daily, I pray, I sing, I worship, I listen to sermons & inspirational preachers, and I don't limit that to Sundays. But I still have a bit of an empty guilt-ridden feeling that we aren't somewhere in a church on a Sunday morning.

I saw this saying on Facebook:

"Sitting in a church makes you no more a Christian than sitting in a garage makes you a car."

Funny, true, sad also. Because that's how we judge. I was one of them too. How can you be a Christian, you never come to church on Sunday? Now I'm feeling the other end of that & it sucks! And its sadly alienating too. Like after a few Sundays of not showing up, you kind of get written off, and then there is even less chances of fellowship, growth or understanding and its like a downward spiral, like its assumed you've given up on God or something. No, we haven't given up on God, and He certainly hasn't given up on us. We've just temporarily had to take a break from the attendance of a church building on a Sunday morning.

We hope to have it again in our future. We hope to not have to feel guilty about it because we aren't there in the present. We hope for understanding, and we hope to BE more understanding when someone else faces the same challenges that we are.

Balance

The past few weeks I've been trying to find my creative side again. My son is getting more independant, has a somewhat predictable nap schedule, and I have a bit more time to be at the computer, igniting my creative writing juices again. But where are they?

I've often heard it said that your mind goes to mush during pregnancy (oh yes, it did!) but I was hoping that somewhere after the first year, the cogs n wheels would start turning again and I could rekindle the love of photography, adventure & writing.

I realize lots & lots of women jump right back into the workforce, whatever their job may be, with no problems and life goes on. Maybe its because I'm here at home, that I'm unmotivated. The Fisher Price farm set is too tempting to play with. Reading "Hippos Go Berserk" over & over doesn't bother me. Not that there is any other place I'd rather be, than home with my son. I do love being a stay-at-home-mom but there are parts of my day, when he is occupied, where I'd like to switch over to WORK-at-home-mom and see if I can get back into doing the things I was developing a couple years ago. 

I know work & motherhood is about compromise & balance, hoping that we are balancing the important things in the right way. Same goes with all passions & hobbies & things that get balanced when we become parents. Lawrence & I had lots of spontaneous & fun adventures before, we know we will have many more in the future too. Now we are formulating NEW ways to have adventure & spontaneity that involve our son, and that challenge is JUST as rewarding and fun. 

Yes, it might be a while before we go rock climbing with him, or shuffle along the cliffs in the Cascades, or take my kayak out... but the pause in these former hobbies is well worth it. To see him hold a crab in his tiny hand at the edge of the Pacific Ocean, to finally find a frog in our woodpile after hearing it for weeks and saying "Here Frog", to hold a young robin in hand while he softly touches it and says "nice". These are new and amazing adventures for us as parents while we see the world thru fresh eyes. Its beautiful, its fun, its a privelege.

So, if my creative juices are too busy being in awe of these day to day moments, I think its still ok. These are moments I wouldn't want to miss, if my brain was knee-deep in an article or photo editing. (hmm, can a brain be knee-deep?)  And they give me new things to write about & photograph, all wrapped up within mini adventures of life with a toddler.

To Give You A Future and A Hope

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hop. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you." ~ Jeremiah 29:11-14

Its a dull cloudy breezey morning here. The sort of morning where I want to stay curled up, coffee in hand & blanket around me. Quietness & thoughtfulness filling the space in my head. Of course, with a busy toddler, quietness usually goes out the window, as well as sitting still. But now, as he naps, I have that quiet peace, that time of thoughtfulness and its my time with God.

I've sure been asking God a LOT of questions lately. And listening for His voice. I know He's speaking, but I can't hear it. I seek His directions, His answers, His peace... but it feels so far away. We seem to be going through a lot of valleys lately, and I feel like we're down here alone. In my heart, I know we're not, but its so quiet, not the kind of quiet I want.

I've asked God to SHOUT at us, if we aren't hearing His quiet voice. I've asked God to speak to us, even give us hints at his direction and I keep coming back without any answers, any hints.

I guess that could mean his answer is "just sit tight" for now, on all the issues we're questioning him about, but it feels tough living in limbo. Its hard not to want to take charge, and we've tried that, time & time again, but yet, we're still here, still waiting for Him to show us the way. Waiting on WHERE. Waiting on WHY. Waiting on WHEN. and so much more.

Some days it feels like the valley is just getting deeper, and the blue sky up above is turning cloudy. We know there is sunshine up above those clouds, somewhere higher up on the hill, and we're longing for Him to lift us up onto the higher rocks & ridges, and just give us a glimpse of what He has in store for us, an idea that we might be going in the right direction, and not just circling the bottom.

I know His plans are better than whatever it is we think we're waiting on... and I know there is much joy, happiness & peace in the moments of each day, in the smiling face of a bouncy toddler, in the calm peaceful breeze of a cloudy morning such as today.

So I wait. I pray! I try to keep having faith that He is planning to give us a future and a hope.

Bang A Drum

Oh how life changes in a short time. I think I've mentioned before but when I first started blogging, long before kids were in the picture, I couldn't believe at how many stay at home moms blogged about their kids & their every day lives. I thought (back then) that those blogs were so boring. 

Well look at me now.

I don't have time for much else other than our "mundane everyday life" and I'm loving every minute of it. It amazes me how much I've changed.

Pictured above is of course my little munchkin, who just got into my cupboards to pull out his "drums" AKA the pots & a wooden spoon. At least once a day he'll pull out some sort of pot. The utensil drawer is safe also for him to play in (no knives or pokey things in there) so he pulls out ladels & spoons and basters and spreads them all over the house. I found 3 wooden spoons in the toy box the other day when I couldn't find any in the drawer. Such is life :)

While his pot banging is usually too loud for my tired ears, I know it will only last minutes before he moves on to something else so I try to tolerate those few moments of his pleasure and just let him be. 

And while the song has nothing to do with our everyday lives, I always think of it when drums are being banged around here and I've always liked the lyrics, sung by Bon Jovi so I thought I'd post it here today.  

Bang A Drum

I went to see the preacher to teach me how to pray

He looked at me and smiled

Then that preacher turned away

He said if you want to tell him something

You ain't gotta fold your hands

Say it with your heart, your soul and believe it

And I'd say amen

Bang a drum for the sinners

Bang a drum for the sins

Bang a drum for the losers

And those who win

Bang a drum, bang it loudly

Or as soft as you need

Bang a drum for yourself son

And a drum for me

Ooh, let me hear you say yeah (yeah), hallelujah, amen

I called upon my brother just the other day

He said: John I'm gonna die if I don't start to live again

I work each day and night like clockwork

Just trying to make ends meet

I could kick this bad world's ass

If I could just get on my feet

I'd bang a drum for the dying

Bang a drum for the truth

Bang a drum for the innocence lost in our youth

Bang a drum, bang it loudly

Or as soft as you need

Bang a drum for you brother

And a drum for me

I don't know where all the rivers run

I don't know how far, I don't know how come

Well I'm gonna die believin' each step that I take

Ain't worth the ground that I walk on

If we don't walk it our way

No I don't claim to be a wiseman, a poet or a saint

I'm just another man who's searching for a better way

But my heart beats loud as thunder

For the things that I believe

Sometimes I wanna run for cover

Sometimes I want to scream

Bang a drum for tomorrow

Bang a drum for the past

Bang a drum for the heroes that won't come back

Bang a drum for the promise

Bang a drum for the lies

Bang a drum for the lovers and the tears they've cried

Bang a drum, bang it loudly

Or as soft as you need

But as long as my heart keeps on bangin'

I got a reason to believe (I got a reason to believe)

Happy Friday!

Red plaid & butt crack - my little redneck!

Test All Things

"Test all things; hold fast what is good." ~ 2 Thessalonians 5:21

I drove up the mountain this week to see the town from above and catch a glimpse of my favourite mountain peaks. I didn't have to go too far before the small patches of snow were showing up in the shady spots. But in the sunny spots there were plenty of yellowy buttercups blossoming everywhere reminding me that Spring is near in the mountains too. The rocky peaks in the distance may hold their snow caps all year long. And down below in the valley, the first of the blossoms are appearing in the orchards. I truly love this time of year.

A lot of things have changed for us since this time last year. We've had a lot of questions and seen various doors open and shut on our lives. While we lamented many of those closed doors at the moments they shut, we can look back now on some of them and see God's purpose for them and see how He has pointed us to good things because if it.

It's hard to know what is good for us in those difficult moments some times. Or when things appear good and they really aren't. We are told to test all things, to know if they are of God. 1 John 4 tells us how to test spirits to know if they are of God. And to hold on to those that are good. Philippians 4:8 also tells us to meditate on the good things of God.

I think the more we learn to discern these things the more obvious it will become and the easier it will be to recognize. While we know that Satan is the ultimate deceiver, the more we learn to recognize his evil works the more our eyes and hearts will be opened to the things that are good, therefore helping us see God's plans when we think things may not be going our way.

Myself, I'm still struggling with giving God the driver's seat because I think I know what is good for me. I have much growing to do so I can learn to test things better and then know that my "good ideas" aren't always of God and with some more faith and better discernment I might be able to see Gods plans are working far better than my own for the good things that I should be holding on to instead.

More faith Lord, grant me more faith!


- Posted by Becky using BlogPress from my iPhone

Bees, Birds, Breeze and Buds

At this very moment God is blessing me!

I'm sitting outside on my patio and it's a lovely warm Spring afternoon. The sun is shining. It's perfect.

The first thing I noticed was the steady hum of BEES. They are busy working their magic in the branches of our elms. (the picture above). If I look really carefully I can see their tiny little bodies hovering but I don't need to see to know they are there because the sound of them is spectacular.

Then I noticed the sound of BIRDS. Near and far the neighborhood is teeming with them. I don't recognize all their sounds but the robin is out there and a noisy crow is also nearby. And several smaller sparrow types have flown by twittering away.

In the midst of all the sounds I also feel a gentle BREEZE. Not a cold breeze that is typical fir March but one that is warm and welcoming. Not too strong bit just enough to make my laundry sway ever so slightly on the clothesline.

And lastly I look around the yard. At the shrubs and trees and see all their BUDS. The rosebush is starting to get green. The elms and maples are reaching up to the sun with buds covering their limbs. The lilac bushes, the cherry tree and the walnut tree; they all know that it's time to wake up and unfold their beauty.

Yes beauty. Just here in my humble backyard and God is lavishing it on me with love and joy.

Bees, birds, breeze and buds are blessing me with their bountiful beauty in my backyard! :)


Posted by Becky using BlogPress from my iPhone

Lead Me By Still Waters

"He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul." ~ Psalm 23:2-3

We've had some beautiful warm, sunny and calm days already this month. Walking by the lake was breathtaking! Not a ripple but still waters with a perfect reflection.

Then there was yesterday. Cold wind shaking the trees and biting our fingertips. As the day went on my mind and soul started to reflect the weather. Small irritations like sand started eating away at me. Disappointments moved in and threatened my calm soul til I could feel the frown on my forehead and noticed that even the little things were annoying me.

I wanted that calmness back. I wanted those still waters and restoration.

Today I wake and the sun is shining and the air is still. I want to breathe deeply and be thankful for the peace. But why am I afraid that it's a calm before the storm? The wind is still blowing in my soul and mind this morning. I'm praying for some restoration and rest, something else to focus on other than those small irritations.

How do find ways to put your mind and soul at rest?

Posted by Becky using BlogPress from my iPhone

Captivating

Captivating - Unveiling the Mystery of A Woman's Soul - John and Stasi Eldredge

"We think you'll find that every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive." ~ quote from Captivating

I'm sitting a bit beside myself this morning reading through this book that I borrowed from my sister-in law. My husband has read the 'man' version of this book by John Eldredge "Wild At Heart" and so when I saw that my sis had the 'woman' version, written together by John and Stasi I asked to borrow it.

The reason I am so amused this morning is that just over the weekend, I changed my blog header to the three things that I seek to love in life "Adventure, Beauty, and God" and here it is, the essence of this book is what they say is at the essence of every woman's heart!

I'm glad that I can be confident that my desires are at the heart of women everywhere.

As the book describes, we women are constantly battling against guilt! Guilt to do more, be more, clean more, cook more, volunteer more, host more, help more. More, more, more! Of being 'not enough' and 'too much' at the same time.

"Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone."

Now I'm just starting to read this book but I can see already that I could quote every other line as being truthful & inspiring.

So, my woman friends that actually read this blog, I encourage you to peek into your church library or your public library and pick up this book & read it along with me. And if you already have read this, share with me what you thought.

Spring

They're here!!! I knew it would be soon with this fantastic weather we've been having and so I've been checking. Today, a beautiful crocus unfolded in the sunshine!!

"For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singin has come." ~ Song of Solomon 2:11-12


- Posted by Becky using BlogPress from my iPhone

Change

Just fiddling with my blog look & layout tonight if anyone happens to stop by & wonders why it looks different. I've had it the same for 3 1/2 years. Time for a change.

Unfortunately, I've got NO photo/image editing software these days. Photoshop died along with my laptop & this one has me trying to use the frustratingly limited options in 'Paint'. *grumble*

I'll get it worked out soon!

:)

Grumpy

I'm grumpy today. I'm trying my best to 'shake it off' but its still lingering. I guess I just got up on the wrong side of the bed today. Coffee hasn't cured it. Breakfast didn't help. A long hot shower was nice but here I sit, grumpy.

I haven't got anything to complain or grumble about. Its a beautiful sunny crisp morning. My son is napping. My dishes are already done. So why the scowl on my face? I don't even know if I want to be fully ungrumped. It feels good sitting here feeling grumpy. Isn't that a foolish thing? To ENJOY being grumpy? DO you ever feel like that?

There is so much joy to be had and I know it would feel BETTER to be joyful than content in my grumpiness so I'm going to find some. I'm paging thru the Psalms & Proverbs, trying to lighten my heart & soul.

I read "Make a JOYFUL shout to the Lord" in Psalm 100:1.

"my heart is GLAD, and my glory rejoices" in Psalm 16:9

"This is the day which the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be GLAD in it." Psalm 118:24

"May my meditation be sweet to Him; I will be GLAD in the Lord." Psalm 105:34

"A merry heart makes a CHEERFUL countenance." Prov 15:13

What Can I Do Lord?

I love being a 'stay at home mom'. There is fun & joy & creativity & laughter in so many minutes of the day!

But in the quiet moments where I have a few minutes to be alone with my thoughts, I feel lost. Like I want to be doing something, something good, something helpful, something for others, something for God!

In between the giggles & the diaper changes, the laundry & the dishes, the bookkeeping and the meal cooking, I'm amazed that there is some time left for me to even wonder this. But here I sit, my Bible open before me, time on my hand and wondering where I can fit in this world to do something good with the few minutes I have.

Oh sure, there is always another load of laundry I could do, invoices to be entered or just extra time for quiet meditation, but I think I'm longing for a new purpose.

Sometimes I think it could just be loneliness in these quiet moments. Husband is at work, baby is sleeping & friends are unavailable. Yes, I definitely get lonely but I don't think having a coffee visit with a friend would fill this need. (although I'd certainly take those opportunities as well)

I have a need to be creative, a need to be useful. I'm sure we all do. But there's more to it. How can I be creatively useful to God? How can I help others in need from here at my kitchen table?

Here I am, Lord! Use me!