Prayer - 2010

I read on another blog today (CraftTeaLady here) about having a 'word of the year' (as detailed here) A word that you can focus on for the year, reflect on and impress on your daily life. I wondered what my word would be, given the stuff I've been thinking about in the first few days of this year, and the thoughts I've had these past few days. No other word would come to my mind except "prayer". 2010 is my year to learn to pray again.

It is true what I said... about my imagination carrying on into my dreams and how I am usually careful of what I see/read before bed. Luckily, although I was reading This Present Darkness before I went to bed lastnight, I also was watching Under the Tuscan Sun - a movie that is one of my favourites because I really loved visiting Italy. So, I didnt' sleep that well, thinking of Italy half the night. However, when my son woke in the night around 2am and I nursed him back to sleep, that was when my thoughts turned to the things I read in the book, thoughts of evil spirits & heavenly hosts, and sitting in the dark actually made me somewhat nervous lastnight, so I prayed. I cuddled my son and I prayed.

This afternoon, it seemed like a 'series of unfortunate events' unfurled in front of me as one upsetting thing after another happened to me in less than an hour. My first instinct was to raise my fist to Heaven and lament 'why me, Lord? Hasnt' my week been bad enough?' but then I thought of the other side of the battle. The side of evil throwing all these awful things into my path causing me sadness & weariness & feelings of defeat all so close together. Ah ha, I thought, you start to learn more about the spiritual realm & their affects on the world and they see fit to up the anti and pounce you a little harder. And so I prayed!

I must confess the 'unfortunate events' didn't stop at that prayer! Next, I dropped a jar of Ragu in the grocery aisle, shattering the glass, splattering a huge mess & making me feel humiliated and near tears, but suceeded to make it home before bursting into a sob & pouring a glass of wine. But shortly after my outburst, I could only look back on the past hour or so and laugh. What a mess of nasty things trying to ruin my afternoon one after another!! And why? I had moments of anger, embarassment, sadness & defeat all within the span of 90 minutes!! Talk about kicking me while I'm down.

But here I am, smiling about it and clinging to my new word of the year "prayer". And I don't think I chose this word lightly or that it will be easy. Learning to pray is actually a big deal, a task that will require me to think about it daily, to make an effort to do. One too easy to forget, too easy to ignore but too important to survive.

So, I will pray. I will learn to pray. I will try to pray. And I will see what becomes of 2010.