Yesterday was refreshing for me in every way. I took a much needed mental break from work, went out for a very long drive through the mountains, enjoyed the beautiful afternoon and got some much needed fresh air. There was nothing stressful, soul dampering or grumpy about yesterday. I found my center again and felt rested. Took a few photos also.
Today, however, I went back to work. I wanted to go back with a different attitude. I wanted to be joyful in my job, thankful that I have a job and a shining beacon of happiness for those that can't seem to get away from the grumps.
But I couldn't find it in me. I couldn't find the joy for being there. It was going to be harder than I thought. How can one rejoice always? How can one be thankful for everything? Its hard! Its going to take work & effort and even some force to make it come about.
So I start slowly. I have to find things that bring me joy. My friend Barb gave me a good start. Yesterday we had a visit & she gave me this hilariously fun pen that has fur and a bobble on it (which I glued eyeballs on) Every time I wrote with this pen today I had joy because I found it hilarious. I used it all day.
Also, yesterday when I was out driving, I was listening to the Sheryl Crow song "Soak Up The Sun" and realized that it truly applied to me. "I'm gonna soak up the sun, gonna tell everyone to lighten up! I got no one to blame, so every time I feel lame I'm lookin up" First of all, everyone I work with DOES need to lighten up but I probably won't be the one to tell them that. But I can hopefully be sun to them. Also, I don't have anyone to BLAME for my attitude. Just cuz they are grumpy doesn't mean I have to be so if I'm feeling LAME I will try to find some sunshine. And I like the last line "I'm lookin up". If I can't find my sunshine or joy, I should 'look up' and ask God to help me find it cuz it might not be within me to find all on my own.
So I wrote on a mini post-it today "Soak up the Sun" and drew a little sun in the corner. My reminder to lighten up & find some joy.
Its just the small things, baby steps, when trying to form a new habit, that will help the most. I definitely won't be able to be one who walks around with a giant joyful grin at all times, but I want to keep rejoicing in my spirit. Bit by bit, little by little and with a little help from above, I will find myself rejoicing. Maybe not always, but I'm workin on it!